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Rants and lots of 'em!
people have many different ways of getting into the christmas spirit. some light up their houses like a vegas casino, some hang wreaths on the front of their cars, some play the same christmas songs over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL I AM READY TO CLAW MY EARS OUT WITH A SCREWDRIVER! but i digress, you get the point. i, also, have a tradition that always puts me in the spirit, and i call it the free christmas party. not the one with all your friends and loved ones, but the one where you suddenly find yourself among a bunch of people you do not know, and if not for the free food and booze, you would never conciously decide to spend a friday night with. maybe your significant other''s company party, maybe your roomate''s parent''s party, etc. you know the one. well, i usually get one of these each year, and without fail, the same scene ensues. at some point, i find myself surrounded by gin- pounding business types who on any other night, would take one look at me, shake their heads in disgust, and discount me as some drugged-up rock-n-roll type loser. but not at the free christmas party. here i am king. i don''t believe that a feeling of christmas spirit washes over them and they realize we are all one people, one heart. no, the reason for this drastic change of heart is much more simple than that. long hair. that''s right folks, long hair. you see, i have long hair, have forever, and really don''t think about it. until the free christmas party. somehow, on this very special night each year, my long hair represents to the before mentioned business types my huge success in the music business, my obvious wild rock-n-roll lifestyle, and an opportunity for them to regale me with stories, both real and imagined, of all of their wild times in college. and get this, most of them claim to have had long hair when they were younger. "your kidding, right?" " no jonathan, i swear my hair was down to my ass, and i really used to party!" to which, i am tempted to respond, " that is so weird, because i used to have short hair, work in a cubicle, and condecend to those who looked and thought differently than me. it''s like we traded places, huh?" but this is a party, the food and booze are free, so why not sit back and enjoy the one night a year when everyone is trying to fit into my scene, as opposed to the rest of the year, when i am just trying to fly under their radar. i love it! this year''s special moment? i was standing with a group of the business guys, when a doctor made his way over. as he was introducing himself to each member of our group, he offered a hearty handshake, and a confident "nice to meet you sir". when he got to me, however, he offered the same hearty handshake, folllowed by a somewhat less confident "whassup man". just like that, my appearance had reduced the formally self-assured doctor to a quivering school girl searching for something cool to say. hey pal, you may save lives for a living, BUT DO YOU SEE HOW LONG MY HAIR IS! so after a quick, uncomfortable silence, my new friend changes the subject like an old pro. "you know jonathan, when i was in college, i had really long hair too ........." i am truly king for a night. true story. so to all my fellow long hairs, i say get out and enjoy the free christmas party. they don''t mean much in the grand scheme of things, but they are fun, they always put me in the christmas spirit, and the conversation is as dependable as those same christmas songs that are still playing over and over and over and over............... happy holidays, j.b. |
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