i have a confession to make. the other night i actually watched some of american idol. i know what you are thinking, "hey jonathan, are things going so poorly for you that you have developed an interest in self-torture? and if so, hammering bamboo slivers under your fingernails might do the trick, and with half the pain of watching this insipid show." and, normally, you would be correct. i do, however, have a good excuse for this somewhat odd behavior. earlier in the week i saw that gene simmons was going to be a celebrity judge, so being the kiss fan that i am i had to tune in and see what insight the demon might offer to these young wannabe pop stars.

i have been told that the first few episodes of the show are the best, not because of the talented contestants, but because of the really bad ones that show up. who would''nt want to watch someone make a fool of themselves in front of millions of t.v. veiwers {see ashlee simpson} all for 15 minutes of fame, and a chance to be the new william hung? however, i noticed immediately the amount of people that were obvious fakes, so bad that there is no way that they were on the level. i can almost hear the conversation now, "dude, i am going to audition for american idol" "but you can''t sing or dance and do not have any musical talent whatsoever" "i know, but i will be so bad that they will have to put me on the audition show, and we can have a big viewing party and invite all our co-workers from the car wash. and besides, dude, I WILL BE ON T.V.!" and lo and behold, they were right. and i am sure the party was great.

to be honest, i am a sucker for documentaries, so it would stand to reason that "reality" t.v. shows such as this would be right down my alley. however, it seems that reality has become so boring that the networks have decided to push things along and alter reality to fit their target audiences. but we all know that reality t.v. is an oxymoron. once that red light goes on, all of the participants instantly become actors. don''t believe me? just get a camcorder, aim it at anyone, and watch the inner-actor appear before your eyes. we just can''t help it.

anyway, about halfway through the show a guy walks out with slicked back hair, a pencil thin mustache, and a vintage suit, kind of a throwback to a lounge singer from the old school. he did his bit, sort of a crooner, and awaited the judges'' reaction. and then it happened, the most real moment of reality t.v. yet. aside from some crack from simon about belonging in a cabaret, all of the judges, including the afformention mr.cowell, agreed that this particular performer had originality, spirit, a unique voice, and all admitted that it was different but they kind of dug it. {i am paraphrasing of course, i wish i had exact quotes, but it is hard enough admitting i even watched the damn thing, much less took notes}

but here''s the kicker.

they also all agreed that he wasn''t right for the show! in other words, those with originality need not apply. now i am not stupid, i realize that they are looking for some photogenic, mindless karaoke singer who can butcher any standard with inappropriate vocal runs, but to actually come right out and say it? un-freakin-believable! then i realized that this is a perfect representation of the music business today. a bunch of frustrated, washed-up, ex-musicians calling all the shots, too scared of what their "cool friends" might say if they took a chance on something that is not exactly the same as all the other pre-packaged nonsense that all the other labels are pumping out. so they continue searching for the "next big thing" that sounds exactly like the "last big thing" so they can pay off the radio stations to shove it down our throats. meet the new boss, same as the old boss. who knew that a reality show would serve as a portal to the way the music business is actually run. i love it!

and t.v. is no better. how many reality shows can the american public stomach before some of the elitists in hollywood will have to find someone who can write an actual story, and actors who are engaging and entertaining. maybe the entertainment industry has always been this lame, but it sure seems to me that it has become a lazy, unoriginal, bloated beast that needs to be put to sleep, so that the truly talented can have a chance. they are still out there, and given the opportunity, i am sure the viewing public would snap out of their industry induced coma, and realize how they have been forced-fed this mindless drivel, at the expense of true talent and originality. just a thought.

maybe i am just bitter because of my ongoing battle with the industry, or maybe i am wrong and people are happy with everything modern entertainment has to offer, but it seems to me that......... oh shit, i gotta run, the real world is about to start!

your future reality star,

j.b.