okay people, i will try to keep this short. VALENTINES DAY. these two words strike fear into the hearts of males all over this great nation of ours. it represents the first official opportunity of the new year to screw things up with our significant other. this particular holiday has never made much sense to me (probably because i have a penis) but i will spare you a rant on the commercial conspiracy that hallmark, florists, and candy makers shove down our throats this time each year. i believe we can all agree on who most benefits from this day. and it certainly is not us guys. but i might be willing to play along if someone could clear up a few things for me.

i guess i should start with a basic scenario that happens on any of the other 364 days of the year. see if this sounds familiar.

female tells male that he is taking her for granted, not saying i love you enough, never taking her out on a real date, etc. (take your pick, any one will do), to which the male responds "i love you, let''s go out tonight, i appreciate you, etc." only to have the female counter with, "you are only saying/doing these things because i said something. you should do/say these things because you want to, not because someone tells you to!" i get that, i really do. i don''t necessarily do it (again, probably because i have a penis) but i can understand it. which is why valentines day confuses the shit out of me.

now, applying the same logic from the previous scenario, you would think that a valentines gift would be the ultimate insult to the female. seriously, entire marketing machines are devoted to telling the male what to do on this particular day! if the female is upset by the fact that the male needs to be constantly reminded by HER to show the proper attention, she must be really pissed when she receives a box of chocolates and flowers because EVERYONE tells him that is what he should do. you would think so, but you would be wrong. hell hath no fury like a woman with no flowers at her cubicle to impress all her friends on this, the most special of holidays.

i have come up with a solution that might help. either we do away with valentines day all together, and the female accepts the fact that the male is a knuckle-dragging, non-emotional beast that needs a little reminding from time to time to show his feelings and emotions, or we have valentines day on the 14th of EVERY month, so the male can be reminded by the rest of society what to do and when to do it, without the fallout of not acting on his own. makes sense to me (once again, probably because i have a penis).

this is my solution to the valentines day problem, i hope someday it will come to pass. but now i must go, does anyone know where i can find a cheap florist?

happy valentines day,

j.b.